WHO’s afraid of the BIG BAD Spider?
I’m taking clothes of the line, shaking each piece. Next doors creeper is hanging over the fence and spiders have a habit of hiding in my towels. One towel is wrapped around the line and when I pull it off there’s a lump inside. A girly squeal and a fast flick have the item fling from fingers to the grass. Gingerly picking it up, I investigate. Ah, breathe out easy, it’s just a peg.
Inside, I am folding the towels and feel a cobweb is on my arm. I freak out with another weird, shit-scared jig to discover a strand of hair.
What is wrong with me today?
I come out into the kitchen and OMG – those were premonitions. I stare at the real thing. A Tarantula – the huge killer of sanity, runs towards me. The threat of the damned thing reaching my arm chair has me shudder. No way is it staying alive to crawl on me later. Fantasy writing has taught me to think quickly and stomp on it. Only my feet aren’t as fast and accurate as my fingers on a keyboard, I miss.
Hang that! Slide off my shoe, aim and throw. Yay got it! Hell no, dangerous scary hairy spider runs off, slips under bedroom door.
Now it has a headache and mad. His intention now is to frighten the pants off me as I sleep.
Not giving up, this time I’m armed with pest spray and gently open door. Hope the damned thing has not run up the wall and onto the switch, as I flick on the light. Where is he? I search the floor and slowly move the door and look behind. … Some serious spraying is now going on whilst pesky creepy crawly heads out the door, with me in tow. The things got nine lives; not surprised as the leggy, giver of heart attacks is as big as a cat.
A stand-off! He’s looking at me and I aint taken my eyes off him. Hearts racing, I’m puffing and, so spun out, I’m heading for my cask of wine when it’s over, no way will I allow him passage into my sitting room. I reach in laundry and grab the broom. Why didn’t I think of this in the terrorised state I was in when I first spotted him, I have no idea.
BANG, SMASH and SQUISH. Got him!
What is that? I shudder at something runs down my back. OMG, it’s he’s girlfriend ready to take her revenge on me. Another wild dance and top is flung … Ah just perspiration 🙂